[ Masam Masam Manis ]

Assalamualaikum Dear Readers,

Welcome 2021 ! What's good? Wow macam tu je eh kita dah suku abad. Know know nanti masuk 2022 pula.  Alhamdulillah Dia masih lagi bagi aku bernafas di dunia sementara ni. Waktu sekarang tepat jam 1.10 AM ye. Yes Aku masih tak tidur lagi. Aku dah tidur sebenarnya sebab not feeling well. Biasa aku kalau da telan ubat memang surrender habis sampai ke pagi besok tapi tetibe kejap je aku tidur and now I'm wide awake. My mind been very active lately. Banyak bende fikir.

So, why masam masam manis? Which one do you wanna know first? Of course la benda yang manis dulu right?  Alhamdulillah aku dah bertunang ye gaiss. Finally I found THE one. Till now aku masih tak percaya yang aku dah sampai this step. Tengok jari jemari aku yang kecik comel ni dah ada cincin. Uishh happy dia laim maciammm. Doakan perjalanan kami di permudahkan to another step ye. AMIN ! . 

Ramai yang tanya, cemana nak tahu yang that person is THE one ? It's hard for me to explain tho because different people rasa lain2. As for me, I know that He's the one because I can be myself around him, I can talk about anything to him without rasa ragu2 nor takut, part bonus is whereby he can accept my flaws yang banyak flaws that I don't think people would tahan with me as I have a lot of perangai. I'm happy dan semoga perasaan ni berterusan sampai bila2.

Masam nya apa? As you know that my grandmother passed away last year on 18 Sept 2020, the anxiety that I've been thru... sakit gilaaa. After few months it gets better. But now.. the anxiety datang balik. Why? Pak uda aku pula meninggal kami semua baru sahaja on 10 June 2021. Cause of death? Sama macam arwah nanny. Both of them are a fighter. Both ada cancer. Even dorang ada cancer, I can see that dorang ada semangat untuk teruskan hidup. I know it's not easy for them. They did their best. 

Knowing that Uda pula tak ada, hits me really hard. I've realized that no matter what, people will die.. eventually. Am I ready who will be next? I'll never be ready.. lagi2 when we least expected that person will die. It's hard knowing that the one that we love left us. Tapi apa yang kita boleh buat dah di takdirkan like that? kena redha... slowly but surely. Take time as much as you want till you feel better. Trust me, it will. Orang nya dah tak ada but the memories... remain...

Last year I was hoping there are no surprises like this for the time being. Tapi what to do. Therefore, aku tak nak dah berharap macam tu lagi, aku pun tak tahu apa akan terjadi lagi in the next chapter. Harap2 baik sahaja and aku harap aku boleh hadap dengan baiknya. 

And so, to nanny and uda.. thank you for being there when I'm at my worst, jaga isya masa kecik sampai ke besar. Terima kasih kerana memberi peluang untuk isya jaga kalian d waktu korang sakit. Terima kasih kerana memberi kasih sayang yang tidak terhingga. Tunjuk ajar masam manis kehidupan. You did well, you fought well. Tak ada sakit2 dah. I'll be fine here. Know that I love you both so much.

Love,

Mars

[ Was this my year? ]

 Assamualaikum my dear readers,

It's been a while... How was your year? Hope all is well on your side. Me? Well this year kinda not my year I would say. There's so many things going on and I'm not being myself lately. What's with this year?

Early year I got a new job which is good. Unfortunately, I need to go through breakup with my ex and its kind hurt a bit because both of us been together for 4 years. Luckily it doesn't hit my emotion sangat because I was too busy with my work and it was a good distraction. 

Mid year, my grandmother died. She's fighting with Lymphoma Cancer at early stage. Sepanjang pertengahan bulan tu she's not feeling well due to chemo but the reason she died not because of Cancer but because of Lung Infection. The feeling she's not here anymore hit me hard so bad. Aku terlalu rapat dengan dia. Since my mom died, she took the role as my mother. Dia jaga aku sampai la ke akhir hayat dia. Aku sakit, sedih, happy... she always be there tanpa ada keluhan sedikit pun. Takes time to heal the wound in my heart but I'm sure I will be okay one day.

End year, having a bad anxiety. Since the day my grandmother died, I haven't had a good sleep. Anxiety control my life. It's hard to control my breathing once it's start. Hurt so bad I tell you. Not everyone will understand with what I've been thru. I hope this anxiety and sleepless night will end soon. Aku dah terlalu penat.

Sepanjang tahun ni, I would like to say sorry to myself as I'm not being myself. I'm sorry to the person that I let go. I'm sorry with what I've been thru. I really2 hope that next year will be something. Hopefully no more surprises. Let me breath calmly for once.

Love,

Mars

 

[ Thank You, Next ]

Assalamualaikum to my dear readers , 

Harap tak terlambat lagi untuk aku wish di sini, WELCOME 2019 ! . Rasa kejap je masa berlalu, dah 2019. Masa cepat berlalu maka itu umur pun makin meningkat. Macam tak percaya aku dah dewasa. Tapi perangai masih lagi nauzubillah. Alhamdulillah, masih lagi diberi peluang untuk teruskan hidup. Nak bagi soalan cliche la ye, what is your resolution for this year? ngeh ngeh ngeh. If you ask me what is my resolution, I would say.. I don't have resolution. kahkah. Resolution dulu pun tak buat..acano?. Aku rasa tahun ni aku nak follow the flow je. Noob kan? hehehe.

As you know, aku sekarang tengah intern tapi alhamdulillah next week aku dah habis intern. For 6 month intern kat sini, aku belajar banyak benda. Intern dekat sini juga, emotional aku berubah. Kejap happy, kejap sedih, kejap nangis, kejap stress. Tapi itu semua normal. Dah nama pun kerja kan?. Sekarang aku cuma risau, next journey aku dekat company lain macam mana lah ye? agak2 aku boleh perform tak? May Allah ease everything in what I do. Amin ! 

Next , what I've learn from 2018? : 

• Learn from mistake :  Aku ni jenis clumsy, aku sentiasa ada je buat salah walaupun benda tu simple je. hehhehee. Tapi clumsy macam mana pun aku, I always learn from my mistake. I try to improve better so that I won't repeat the same mistake. 

• Don't trust people : People nowdays are very scary I tell you. Mulut dorang lagi tajam dari pisau. Kadang2 even kita rapat sekali pun dengan orang tu, never trust them 100% sebab dorang pun boleh tikam or dengki dengan  kau, tanpa kau sedar. 

•  Be independent : In any kind of situations, don't depend on people. Sebab kalau kita terlalu bergantung pada orang, nanti esok2 bila kita sengsorang kita akan susah. Reason aku rasa aku perlu jadi independent, so that aku tak menyusahkan orang lain.

• Small circle is better : Dulu aku mengaku yang aku memang ramai kawan tapi ramai kawan macam mana pun, aku lebih prefer small circle. Kadang2 small circle tu buat aku lagi tenang. Lagi senang nak berkomunikasi. Aku perasan pada diri aku, time aku lepak dengan kawan ramai2 aku banyak berdiam diri. Small circle juga la banyak membantu kita. 

• Don't bother : Jangan ingat orang tak pernah cakap pasal kita. No matter how good you are to people, somehow still not enough. Maka itu, jangan pernah amik kisah kalau ada orang tak suka pada kau. Dorang yang ada masalah dengan kau, bukan kau. So? why bother? 

• Be kind : Even I banyak complain about people, no matter how many people hates you, always be kind to them even they are bad. Tak rugi pun. Nak cakap macam mana ek? Kita semua dilahirkan baik2 cuma orang jahat ni dorang salah pilih jalan hidup dorang. Hidup ni ada choices. You decide which shadow would you choose. 

Banyak lagi yang aku belajar from 2018 but I'm so thankful with what happen in my life. There's ups and downs but I'm proud I still can handle everything well. soo I end my words with.. Thank you 2018..Next? 2019?... BRING IT ON ! 

Love,

Mars

[ Weird Dream ]

Assalamuaikum my dear readers and my dearself,

Here I am again, as usual baru nak buka blog. I ain't got time yalls. sis busy. Before I start cerita panjang, I have some technical difficulties on sign in my blog ! hahahaha. I totally forgot on my password sebab for this blog I use my old email. Email yang lama ni je I guna untuk blog. For my youtube account and others I used my daily email. Boleh katakan satu jam juga la nak figure out on the password. Lepas I dah dapat on balik, I terus letak kat reminder ! so that if  I nak buka blog ni lagi I won't having this kind of difficulties lagi dah. hehehehhe. As usual, silly old me. always being clumsy ! Oh ! oh ! lupa nak cakap !! I dah start intern. hehehehe. Alhamdulillah, dengan izin Allah I dapat tempat intern dengan smoothly and company yang bagus. I love my job here ! alright dearies let's bercerita ! hehehehe.

So..... for the pass few weeks before intern, I had insomnia. It's not because I selalu tidur lewat. No.. I'm not the type of person yang akan tidur lambat. I nama je umur 22 tapi my sleeping time is so budak sekolah. Baik cuti ke, ada kelas ke, kerja ke. Sama je rutin tidur I kecuali pada waktu exam baru I jadi burung hantu. Reason started insomnia since the day that I had the weirdest dream. I tak nak fikir sangat because its just a dream but today, I saje je nak bercerita.

What weird dream? well I dream about this lady, not old neither young, with her whole family, which I don't even know them. But this lady yang menyerlah la in this dream. So I don't know apa yang this lady ni cakap kat I BUT ! I tiba2 cakap " aku tak nak benda tu, mana bentu tu? aku nak buang sekarang" I keep on repeating the same thing on what I said while I'm screaming then that lady ketawa macam hantu ( mengilai) punya style. It's scares me. Then tiba2 in that dream macam kembali normal but this time, this lady sorang je ada dalam mimpi ( still dalam mimpi yang sama ye). She said the same thing ( tapi I tak tahu apa) then me, again repeating my dialog and before I bangun from my dream, I sempat baca ayat kursi.  Then I bangun I dah berpeluh. I'm so scared at that time. But luckily in that dream, I tak terima. Biasanya kalau mimpi macam tu ada makna sikit. Reminder ! if you guys have that kind of dream, ingat ! jangan terima ye. We never know. I did told my family about this, incase something happen. Alhamdulillah till now nothing happen. ( may nothing happen forever). May Allah always protect me from harm.

Since that dream, for 2 weeks ! every 3 or 4 am I will woke up from my sleep. Mimpi hantu or I tiba2 kena kejut like that. Kinda stress, sebab when I nak tido balik, lepas 2 jam baru I boleh tidur. Within that 2 weeks, I haven't get enough sleep. My mood so swing. Lifeless pun ada sebab in the day I sleep while night I berjaga. This one night tiba2 I rasa I need to sleep pakai socks.. that night I sleep till the next morning. Alhamdulillah. Since then, I sleep pakai socks je sekarang.

Alhamdulillah until now I sleep well. No more insomnia. Thank you ya Allah. Dengan harapan I will not get that kind of dream again. Amin ! orait guys, till here only my bebelan. Thank you for patiently reading my blog since the day 1 I create this blog. Assalamualaikum and take care !


Love ,
Mars

[ Road to internship ]

Assalamualaikum my dear readers. Alhamdulillah dah 6 hari kita semua berpuasa. Rasa bersyukur tahun ni dapat lagi bertemu dengan bulan yang mulia ni. As uolls dah baca tajuk tu, yee tak lama lagi dah nak intern aku ni. Cepat je masa berlalu. Rasa macam baru je habis foundation. Time ticking too fast. Next week dah start final exam. Lepas habis final exam, maka itu tamat sudah la degree. I still remember that I always meroyan about many things thru every semester. There are some part that I'm proud of myself. I saw the difference in myself from sem 1 till now. Whereby, I still remember that I don't have confidence at all when comes to presentation. Without confidence, I always only read thru the slides or the notes that I hold when presentation. Still remember some lecturer said I did not have an eye contact with the audience while present. Starting from that, I start to make change and try to build confidence, alhamdulillah.. now I can present with confidence.

Sekarang rasa mix feeling sangat. Happy, sedih, nervous pun ada. Happy sebab dah nak habis belajar. Sedih nak tinggalkan orang yang di sayangi dan juga rakan2. Terlalu banyak sangat kenangan bersama mereka. Happy sama2, Stress sama2, Nangis sama2. Nervous? sebab nak intern nanti. Macam mana la aku intern nanti ye. Agak2 aku behave tak? perform tak? there are so many thoughts in my mind right now. What if I have problems in the company? macam mana aku nak handle. Apa2 pun lets hope for the best and boleh buat yang terbaik time intern nanti. Hope everything went well and I will try to perform well in the company.

Dah cari belum company apa nak intern nanti?...  Sudah !. Dah start sending my resume to different company. Dengan harapan senang untuk aku dapat tempat intern. Takut juga kalau tak ada yang nak amik. Takut tak fulfill requirement ke, tak cukup skills ke, result tak best ke kan. hahaha. Okay dah negatif thoughts. Mygod Marissa ! buang la perasaan negatif tu. May Allah ease everything and  InsyaAllah everything will be fine. For now focus on final exam.

Till here only my bebel. I hope you guys have a great ramadhan and i would like to wish you Selamat hari raya ! Maaf zahir dan batin =D . Wish awal takut nanti tak tahu bila nak ber-blogging lagi. hehehehe. Wish me luck in exam and life ye. Take care everyone and have a nice day ! xoxo

Love,
Mars

[ TuEsDaY ThOuGhT ]

Assalamualaikum and Hi my dear readers. (am not sure if some of you still read my blogs yang dah berkurun ni).

Anyway its been a long time I left this blog without update anything about my life right? HAHA. Here I am listening to "this town song by kygo" while berfikir what to type in this blogs. Kinda awkward since dah lama tak ber-blog. Ahaks !

How's my life? Alhamdulillah everything is great ! tapi biasa lah ada ups and down. Life must go on kan? Can't believe cepat je masa berlalu dah 2018 and I'm 22 year old this year. omg tua dah aku haaaa. Begitu cepat juga masa bila aku dah nak end my degree life. Tak silap aku, on my previous writing baru je cakap aku masuk degree life and now update dah nak habis dah degree. Alhamdulillah. Still remember masa zaman sekolah dulu, ya Allah.... tak tahu lah otak aku tak berkembang lagi kot sebab result spm pun macam hampeh. Even my family pun sampai risau what to do with me. Boleh ke masuk university. Aku mengaku masa zaman sekolah dulu aku "kurang pandai". So since aku dah start sambung foundation and degree ni, I prove them wrong that I'm not that "kurang pandai" person. Aku boleh BERJAYA. Alhamdulillah semuanyaa berjalan dengan baiknyaa. Time masuk university ni la kot baru otak aku nak berkembang and tunjuk kepandaian yang ada dalam otak ni. hahahaha. What I learn is, jangan judge orang tu kalau time zaman sekolah dia "kurang pandai. sampai masuk uni pun dorang kurang pandai". No lahh. Semua dalam dunia ni pandai cuma depends nak guna cemana je. Maybe time sekolah, tak sedar lagi akan belajar tu best. Bila masuk University baru sedar akan bestnya belajar. cenggitu lah.

Next, bila dah besar ni macam2 tanggungjawab yang aku kena pikul. Kadang2 takut sangat nak masuk alam kerja. Boleh ke aku survive sendiri? hmmm. Tanggungjawab kepada family sangat2 aku fikirkan sekarang. Mampu ke aku nak tampung family aku? mampu ke aku nak bahagi duit kepada org yang aku patut bagi selain daripada ayah aku? like that lahh kalau aku da kerja nanti. Then adik2 aku pun kecik2 je lagi haaa. So many things need to think. Tapi Allah itu maha adil. InshaAllah rezeki ada d mana2 sahaja.

Actually kan, I'm supposed to do an assignment tau tapi tiba2 nak ber-blog dulu to realease stress. Maybe content in my blog ni macam tak berapa nak best or tergantung je kan? tapi itu yang aku tengah fikirkan sekarang. Well I think sampai di sini sahaja ceritaku kepada blog ini. InshaAllah if ada masa dan rajin I will update again this blog. Take Care yaa semua ! xoxo

Love,
Mars 

[ 2016 ]

ASSALAMUALAIKUM AND HYE EVERYONE ! WOW DAH BERHABUK AKU PUNYA BLOG NI SEBAB DAH LAMA TAK UPDATE. MUAHAHAHA. STILL INGAT KAT BLOG NI LAGI BUKAN LUPA. CUMA AKU TERLALU BZ SAMPAIKAN TER-ABAIKAN BLOG NI.AHHAHAAHA SORRY SAYANG. WAAA TAK SANGKA DAH 2016 WEH ! AKU RASA KEJAP SANGAT.BANYAK KENANGAN YANG AKU DAPAT TAHUN LEPAS. DRAMA DIA TU UISHHH I TELL YOU. HAHAHA. SO AKU PUN DAH 20 TAHUN KOT TAHUN NI. OMG !! WHAT????!!! MARISSA SURAYA DAH 20 TAHUN ??!!!. HAHAAH TAK SANGKA. TAPI WALAUPUN 20 TAHUN AKU TETAP BUDAK KECIK. JANGAN RISAU

OKAY LETS THROWBACK SIKIT KENANGAN TAHUN LEPAS. APA YANG DAH JADI. SINCE AKU DAH LAMA TAK CERITA KAT BLOG NI EN. SO TAHUN LEPAS AKU DAH BUKAK BRACES !!!! AAAAAA !!! EXCITED IOLSS NAK CERITA KAT UOLSS. MY GIGI DAH OKAY. TAK MACAM DULU. HIHIHI. AKHIRNYA KAN. 4 TAHUN KOT AKU PAKAI SEBAB YE LA AKU KAN SELALU BUAT APPOINTMENT LAMBAT. ITU YANG BUKAK LAMBAT. HAA? NAK TENGOK PERBEZAAN MUKA AKU TIME PAKAI BRACES DAN BUANG BRACES? HAA BOLEH..SAT NAAA

BEFORE

AFTER ! 

MUAHAHAHA LAIN GILA KAN MUKA AKU LEPAS BUKA BRACES. MULA2 RASA JUGA AWKWARD SIKIT BILA DAH TAK ADA BESI KAT GIGI. LAMA2 DAH OKAY ! YEAY !! TAKKAN RASA SAKIT DAH GIGI SEBAB BRACES. UHUKSSS

LEPAS TU, AKU DAH GRADUATE FROM FOUNDATION ! AND NOW DAH SAMBUNG DEGREE. ALHAMDULILLAH. STILL BOLEH SAMBUNG BELAJAR LAGI. SEPANJANG FOUNDATION TU BANYAK LIKU2 YANG AKU KENA HADAP. BIASAQ LA TU KAN. ALHAMDULILLAH WALAUPUN DAH MASUK DEGREE, KAWAN2 ZAMAN FOUNDATION ADA LAGI YANG STILL KAWAN DENGAN AKU YANG BENGONG NI. EHEKKK. 

BILA DA MASUK DEGREE NI KORANG JANGAN INGAT PERANGAI AKU DAH MATANG OKAY. PERANGAI AKU STILL LAGI ADIK2 DAN STILL LAGI ADA PERANGAI SYAITONIROJIM. KAWAN2 DEGREE AKU PUN ALHAMDULILLAH SETAKAT NI BAIK2 BELAKA.

MASA ORIENTATION MASUK DEGREE HARITU PUN BEST ! DAPAT JUMPA KAWAN2 BARU. TAK SANGKA OTAK DORANG PUN MASUK AIR JUGAK. NASIB BAIK DORANG NAK KAWAN DENGAN AKU YANG BENGONG NI. EHEKKK. AND YES INGATKAN LEPAS ORIENTATION TU KITAORANG TAK RAPAT DAH LAH TAPI STILL RAPAT LAGI. ALHAMDULILLAH.

SO MY 2015 MOSTLY OKAY LA. BANYAK LAGI KENANGAN TAPI TAKKAN NAK CERITA SEMUA. IYA DAK? SAMPAI DI SINI SAHAJA LA YE. DENGAN HARAPAN, TAHUN 2016 NI LEBIH BAIK DARI TAHUN LEPAS. INSHAALLAH. DAN DENGAN HARAPAN PERANGAI AKU BOLEH BERUBAH SIKIT2. AMIN !!. SO YEAH ! HAVE A NICE DAY PEOPLE !

 

LOVE,

MARS