Assamualaikum my dear readers,
It's been a while... How was your year? Hope all is well on your side. Me? Well this year kinda not my year I would say. There's so many things going on and I'm not being myself lately. What's with this year?
Early year I got a new job which is good. Unfortunately, I need to go through breakup with my ex and its kind hurt a bit because both of us been together for 4 years. Luckily it doesn't hit my emotion sangat because I was too busy with my work and it was a good distraction.
Mid year, my grandmother died. She's fighting with Lymphoma Cancer at early stage. Sepanjang pertengahan bulan tu she's not feeling well due to chemo but the reason she died not because of Cancer but because of Lung Infection. The feeling she's not here anymore hit me hard so bad. Aku terlalu rapat dengan dia. Since my mom died, she took the role as my mother. Dia jaga aku sampai la ke akhir hayat dia. Aku sakit, sedih, happy... she always be there tanpa ada keluhan sedikit pun. Takes time to heal the wound in my heart but I'm sure I will be okay one day.
End year, having a bad anxiety. Since the day my grandmother died, I haven't had a good sleep. Anxiety control my life. It's hard to control my breathing once it's start. Hurt so bad I tell you. Not everyone will understand with what I've been thru. I hope this anxiety and sleepless night will end soon. Aku dah terlalu penat.
Sepanjang tahun ni, I would like to say sorry to myself as I'm not being myself. I'm sorry to the person that I let go. I'm sorry with what I've been thru. I really2 hope that next year will be something. Hopefully no more surprises. Let me breath calmly for once.
Mars
