Assalamualaikum Dear Readers,
Welcome 2021 ! What's good? Wow macam tu je eh kita dah suku abad. Know know nanti masuk 2022 pula. Alhamdulillah Dia masih lagi bagi aku bernafas di dunia sementara ni. Waktu sekarang tepat jam 1.10 AM ye. Yes Aku masih tak tidur lagi. Aku dah tidur sebenarnya sebab not feeling well. Biasa aku kalau da telan ubat memang surrender habis sampai ke pagi besok tapi tetibe kejap je aku tidur and now I'm wide awake. My mind been very active lately. Banyak bende fikir.
So, why masam masam manis? Which one do you wanna know first? Of course la benda yang manis dulu right? Alhamdulillah aku dah bertunang ye gaiss. Finally I found THE one. Till now aku masih tak percaya yang aku dah sampai this step. Tengok jari jemari aku yang kecik comel ni dah ada cincin. Uishh happy dia laim maciammm. Doakan perjalanan kami di permudahkan to another step ye. AMIN ! .
Ramai yang tanya, cemana nak tahu yang that person is THE one ? It's hard for me to explain tho because different people rasa lain2. As for me, I know that He's the one because I can be myself around him, I can talk about anything to him without rasa ragu2 nor takut, part bonus is whereby he can accept my flaws yang banyak flaws that I don't think people would tahan with me as I have a lot of perangai. I'm happy dan semoga perasaan ni berterusan sampai bila2.
Masam nya apa? As you know that my grandmother passed away last year on 18 Sept 2020, the anxiety that I've been thru... sakit gilaaa. After few months it gets better. But now.. the anxiety datang balik. Why? Pak uda aku pula meninggal kami semua baru sahaja on 10 June 2021. Cause of death? Sama macam arwah nanny. Both of them are a fighter. Both ada cancer. Even dorang ada cancer, I can see that dorang ada semangat untuk teruskan hidup. I know it's not easy for them. They did their best.
Knowing that Uda pula tak ada, hits me really hard. I've realized that no matter what, people will die.. eventually. Am I ready who will be next? I'll never be ready.. lagi2 when we least expected that person will die. It's hard knowing that the one that we love left us. Tapi apa yang kita boleh buat dah di takdirkan like that? kena redha... slowly but surely. Take time as much as you want till you feel better. Trust me, it will. Orang nya dah tak ada but the memories... remain...
Last year I was hoping there are no surprises like this for the time being. Tapi what to do. Therefore, aku tak nak dah berharap macam tu lagi, aku pun tak tahu apa akan terjadi lagi in the next chapter. Harap2 baik sahaja and aku harap aku boleh hadap dengan baiknya.
And so, to nanny and uda.. thank you for being there when I'm at my worst, jaga isya masa kecik sampai ke besar. Terima kasih kerana memberi peluang untuk isya jaga kalian d waktu korang sakit. Terima kasih kerana memberi kasih sayang yang tidak terhingga. Tunjuk ajar masam manis kehidupan. You did well, you fought well. Tak ada sakit2 dah. I'll be fine here. Know that I love you both so much.
Love,
Mars
